Ungated: A Practical Guide to Understanding Business Speak

Signal Boost: “I can't go for that (No Can Do)”, Darly Hall & John Oates
Because sometimes, when someone asks me to circle back, move the needle, and touch base by COB ... I just can’t go for that ... no can do.*

Welcome to my first ungated post. No corporate filter. No buzzword bingo. Just a straight-up look at the strange dialect we speak in our offices.

You’ve heard it: “Take this offline.” “Touch base.” “Let’s revert.” It’s corporate jargon at its finest—designed to sound polished, but often says very little. So, let’s decode a few of the greatest hits and find out what we’re really saying when we say, whatever "this" is.

1. Take This Offline: A Classic Escape Move

Translation: Let’s not talk about this here. Possibly ever.

You’ll hear this when things get uncomfortable—maybe someone’s asking real questions in a meeting and it’s making the PowerPoint sweat. “Take it offline” is code for “I don’t want this discussed in front of witnesses.”

If you’re fluent in workplace lingo, you know this move well. If not, take comfort—it rarely leads anywhere. The offline never quite comes back online.

2. Touching Base: The HR Red Flag

Translation: Let’s pretend we’ll catch up, probably won’t.

Borrowed from baseball and abused in every meeting invite since. “Touch base” is a vague, low-commitment offer to talk. Usually followed by silence.

And just to be clear: if someone says they want to touch your base, that’s not a sync, it’s a conversation with HR!

3. Move the Needle: Spoiler: It Rarely Moves

Translation: Let’s do something impactful. Maybe.

This phrase implies meaningful change, but the needle in question is usually imaginary, uncalibrated, or stuck. It sounds better than saying “we don’t really know if this will do anything.”

Sprinkle in some synergy, a dashboard, and a Gantt chart, and the illusion of progress is complete.

4. Let’s Revert: The Art of Office Transmogrification

Translation: I’ll reply to your email. Eventually.

This one’s big in Indian business English, where “revert” simply means “respond.” But it’s found its way into UK business speak too, where it adds an odd, slightly magical tone.

It’s the kind of phrase that makes you feel like you're about to initiate a transmogrification—Calvin and Hobbes-style. One moment you're discussing delivery dates, the next you're being turned into a tiger.

It’s become one of those phrases that feels smart, until you think about it. And then it doesn’t.

5. Value Add: Where Value Goes to Hide

Translation: We’re doing something, and we need you to believe it matters.

This one is wheeled out whenever someone needs to justify effort. It rarely defines actual value—just that something was added. Possibly in the form of more slides, more governance, or more meetings.

Honourable Mentions: The Buzzword Glossary

Here’s a selection of supporting characters in the great corporate soap opera of workplace buzzwords:

• Wooden Dollars: Fake internal finance. Like Monopoly for management.
• Put a Build on That: Slide reveal wizardry to make bullet points feel theatrical.
• Codify: Write it down so it looks like you’ve always had a process.
• Peel the Onion: Dig deeper. Usually leads to crying.
• On the Same Page: We think we agree. We probably don’t.

Grit in the Process: The Phrase with Teeth

Here’s one I actually like. “Grit in the process” borrows from grit in the oyster, where a bit of friction eventually forms a pearl.

In work, it means the process isn’t smooth, and that’s a good thing. People are pushing back. Asking questions. Testing whether it works in the real world.

Too many processes are frictionless on paper and useless in reality. A bit of grit means it’s alive. Being shaped. Possibly even becoming something better. Possibly even valuable.

What It All Comes Down To

The reason business speak lives on is because it makes us sound like we know what we’re doing. But if you really want to stand out, skip the buzzwords. Be clear. Be human. Talk like someone who’d rather be understood than impressive.

Oh, and stop trying to move the needle. It’s knackered.